Diary Entry – 10 June 2020

Good morning my precious, beautiful baby girl.πŸ’•
We are probably both feeling a little rough… Mommy held you close all night! You must have been scared, you cried quite a lot throughout the night. Both naked and close.
Mommy did her best. I sang to you and spoke to you, tried my best to keep you calm (I have no idea if I am calm – and that’s possibly not helping, not to mention our neighbour seeming displeased at the extra noise she feels she is having to endure).
I understand your little world has also changed drastically and you need to feel me close and be assured and feel loved, feel my heartbeat (because that is what you are used to hearing).

I felt like I was failing, been so tired after the C-Section, the meds, the nurses checking in all the time through the night.
We had an amazing bonding moment though, you somehow found and latched to my nipple – apparently a great sign of a good breastfeeding relationship according to the nurse.

Mommy is quite sore, feeling a little dazed.
Nurses checking on you – you were in the incubator for quite some time. Daddy was with you. I felt sorry for him, he didn’t even get to hold his beautiful princess.
Your blood sugar was a little low and I had some blood loss – sounded like it could have been a bit much. The nurses checked in on us again early this morning (like 5am) and we both seem to be recovering well on our own😘

Last night before going into theatre I was so emotional. The nurses had the heart rate monitor for you over my tummy to check your heart. The nurse picked up that I am actually having contractions – another nurse was called to come and see how far dilated I was – she said 2cm. What a shock I had, worry flooding in, are you OK, what is going to happen now? What I mentally prepared for, is that going to change? You were arriving today no matter what!

We were eventually wheeled to the prep area, where daddy kept me giggling, and into theatre.
You were born at 18h15😍 at 3.15kgπŸ’–
I watched while the Dr checked your lungs. When they wheeled you away with your Daddy close behind, all I could think of was wanting to see you again.

Anyway…back to today:
It seems like you are the only little girl. All the other babies (that I have seen) are boys. All the nurses absolutely love your hair, they keep commenting on it. You have quite a bit of hair (for a newborn apparently), beautiful blond.

Looking at you totally mesmerizes me! You are absolutely gorgeous! God made you perfect in absolutely every way.
We didn’t get to do the 3D scan (not a necessity in medical during covid lockdown), where one can see a bit of what you possibly look like. You look just like your Daddy! And I miss him so much! But having you with me makes it easier to bare.

Wow, you are here! Waited for this day for such a long time, amazing God and His perfect creation. All these feelings….all this purpose, a woman fulfilling a natural purpose of reproduction and what a journey thus far, been amazing and I have the Heavenly Father’s Spirit close all the time through it all! Thank you Jesus!

Bible verses at the bottom of my Book:
Psalm 118:24 This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.
Isaiah 40:31 Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles.
1 Corinthians 2:9 “No eye has seen, nor ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him.”

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