Diary Entry – 12 June 2020

I am totally “star struck” by you! I can’t stop looking at this beautiful gift that God has given me. How long I prayed and waited for you…
God’s provision has been ample and on time.

I am still amazed at the fact that you look exactly like your Daddy! And oh, so beautiful, my little princess.
Your sister Chloë also sent pics of you and of her when she was a baby, the two of you could be twins.

We should be discharged to go home today😍
Your Dad, sister and brother are eagerly awaiting our arrival.
My Dr was here early this morning, 5h30am, and is happy to sign my discharge paperwork. Now we wait for your pediatrician to come see you my beautiful.
Celeste was also here early, 6h30am, she is super chuffed at our progress with breastfeeding, and we discussed other things. I am so grateful for the assistance. I believe the Lord is putting people in our path.

The pediatrician finally arrived (everything feels like a long wait today), I asked him about the jaundice, and he orders tests.
The nurses fetch you at 10h00 and drew blood for the test. I hear your cry – we have been bonding for a short time, but I feel like I have always known what you would sound like. It was now also strange to have you taken away from me as you have been with me all the time, already feels like I am unsure of what to do with myself.

I forgot to write about me bathing you for the first time yesterday… You cried so much – I don’t think you like getting undressed and dressed. Same story when I change you.
So – I cried, to start off with, when you cried. I had to nip that in the bud. I started talking to you, it didn’t seem to calm you. I’m sure you can’t hear me over your crying – but it helped me… it felt like a very emotional, tiering time, I try my best not to feel apprehensive about future bathing.

Back to today, anxiously waiting to go home. It is apparently freezing and windy outside. I opt to rather bath you, and myself, at home. I am leaving the hospital comfy and warm in my pajamas and gown.
A nurse arrives at 12h00 to tell me that you do have some jaundice, that you need to be put in the sun daily and if it’s not gone by Monday, we need to go see the pediatrician.
My lunch from the hospital arrives. I phone your Daddy, he tells me to eat my lunch and let him know when I am downstairs.
I finished my lunch and packed all bags under your hospital crib trolley (I am not supposed to be picking up things, or bending, but I so badly want to see your dad and get home!
Getting your discharge pages completed took a long time. I was sure your Dad was waiting and possibly getting as impatient as I was.
I took a photo of your footprint while I waited. The hospital staff are obviously less during covid, and things are taking longer…

We eventually got downstairs, your Dad wasn’t allowed in the hospital.
I am not proud of my frustration and how I reacted. It was daunting to be taking you outside in this cold and no one to help me carry bags etc… rules and regulations with covid and all, I think the staff at the hospital are as scared as the rest of us, trying to be helpful yet follow the rules and I have not found that practical.
I thank the Lord for showing us mercy and giving us grace, my “not proud” moment is forgiven and forgotten by my Saviour. We need to exercise the same.

We got home – Xander and Chloë were so excited. We had to let Daddy hold you first though. He was so happy to finally have you in his arms.
We had to have a feeding session; Chloë sat by us all the time.
It was heartwarming to see your brother and sister’s love in their eyes for you. We are so blessed to have all these loved one’s!
God is SO GOOD!

Great things to have on a winter day’s discharge from the hospital: My fluffy winter pajamas and gown; your fluffy Babygro and fluffy blankets; hoody and beanie; awesome Chelino car chair for infant with the special base for the car seat. We got a great deal for the pram, car chair and infant car/pram chair and it came with this cool cover one can use for breastfeeding, or over the infant chair to keep you snug and out of the wind.
chelino.co.za

Bible verses at the bottom of my book:
Psalm 73:26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.
1 John 3:1 See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!
Luke 11:28 “Blessed are all who hear the word of God and put it into practice.”
Psalm 27:1 The Lord is mt light and my salvation – so why should I be afraid?
Exodus 15:2 The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory. This is my God, and I will praise Him.

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